Unrequited Love

Hello beautiful people, Happy Saturday! David is a gentleman and a gem (I like this a little better than scholar) for letting me be a guest writer not only once, but twice now! Words cannot describe how much I appreciate it because the words I’m about to write in this article are very important to me. I hold them near and dear to my heart… and here’s why:

I always told myself I’d never be in an abusive relationship. I always envisioned myself being able to leave. Little did I know I was just young and naive–because it’s not that easy.


In result, I never imagined my dating life would be what it was when I accepted my sexuality and put myself out there. I was dating one monster in disguise after another. And somehow each time they left my world felt like it was falling apart. Each and every time, it felt like they stole something from me. It was my optimism. Because for years nights were long and heartache was inevitable while living in the rules of someone else’s game.

andrew kendall book review unrequited
David’s Copy… “I actually just finished reading it.”

And that’s what I was doing. I would make excuses for mistreatment. I would placate bad behavior. But I was young then, didn’t know my own self-worth, and was naive to the covert aspects of both narcism and emotional abuse. Since then, I have learned so much.

I have learned so much that I decided to write it all down. Which is why I am happy, nervous, and excited to announce the release of my second book, Unrequited: Things I Learned from Trying to Love the Wrong People.  

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courtesy of Andrew Kendall

It is a diary made public–a guidebook in hopes that others may learn from what I have been through. Inside are seven years of terrible experiences that shaped me, changed me, and often made me feel broken. But I am not broken now. In fact, I was never broken. This book is me taking back my power–exercising my right for closure after being made to feel I didn’t deserve it. Though a very personal book, the details feel universal.

Unrequited is my heart poured onto paper. It is both raw and real. It is both terrifying and liberating. But more than any of this it is educational. While writing I learned more about life, about myself, and about love. I realized my patterns and similar patterns of those around me. I realized that I created this book for my own personal sense of closer, but also so that other people may benefit. Because there is no stronger feeling than hope–than realizing you are not alone. And those of us who have experienced the darker side of love are never alone.

This book means the world to me because in a world of people who would try to invalidate me I wrote anyway.

If you are interested, you can purchase my book on amazon by clicking here. It is my hope that you will give it a chance–even if you’ve never been abused and just want to learn more about love itself.

Have a wonderful weekend. And may true love, not the facade many face, always find you.

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Mancrush Monday: David Hallberg

Okay, I know it isn’t monday… but I couldn’t come up with a title… and I found myself surrounded by David Hallberg today.

David Hallberg A Ballet Education

The International Ballerino: David Hallberg
From Arizona Ballet School to the Paris Opera Ballet School… David Hallberg joined American Ballet Theatrein April of 2001 and rose to the rank of Principal in May 2005. While at ABT he won the Benois de la Danse Prize as best male dancer for Albrecht in Giselle. But it wasn’t enough to end there… in 2011 he became the first American to join the presitigious Bolshoi Ballet under the title Premier Dancer. In 2013 he made his debut at the Paris Opera and since has danced with numerous companies around the world. Notably last year he created the title: Resident Guest Artist at the Australian Ballet…But that isn’t enough… the fashion world adores him. From spreads in VOGUE, GQ, CR BOOK to being photographed by some of the most influential photographers of our time…  Landing covers of New York Magazine…and numerous others… the Nike Endorsement… The list goes on and on… But it wasn’t always easy for him, battling a serious injury…

David Hallberg

But, I am here now, on vacation, enjoying my time reading his book: A Body of Work: Dancing to the Edge and Back. (Kindle $14.99/Hardcover $18.30/Audible–Free click the image below to shop)

David Hallberg Dancer

The book is actually a pretty decent self reflection… FYI… no pictures.

And if that isn’t enough… Pathé Live just released the Art of David Hallberg… a two disc DVD set featuring his Sleeping Beauty with Svetlana Zakharova, choreography by Yuri Grigorovich and the allstar cast of Marco Spada (Hallberg, Obraztsova, Smirnova, Chudin, Tsvirko) by Pierre Lacotte.

And then there are these amazing 10 videos of his dancing online…



for more information on David Hallberg you can visit his website by clicking here.


With Ballet In My Soul…

with ballet in my soul

This morning I was able to sit down and read With Ballet in my Soul: Adventures of a Globetrotting Impresario by Eva Maze. You can pre-order it on Amazon by clicking here. It should be released April 1 on Amazon.com. Who is Eva Maze? How is she relevant to ballet? Well if you don’t know what an impresario is, it is someone who usually helps financially back a performance, creation or company. She has a massive career of helping organize performances all around the world for companies like Alvin Ailey. This easy, witty read is set against the context of each place she created in. From exotic India to Paris to settling down in Sarasota, this travel narrative takes you through a side of dance history that is often forgotten about or not talked about. We often forget that to produce a show it costs a ridiculous sum of money, and this book is a sweet reminder of that history. A reminder of how a single woman could be responsible for hundreds of programs over a 40-year time span and live a very happy life… all because she loves ballet.

So, this morning, I didn’t go to ballet class as I needed to catch up on work for the blog, and I realized, I really do need to start applying for jobs that I actually want… Or, I need to finish this book and become a New York Times Best Seller… or who knows… Anyways, this morning, I sat down and decided to read this book that Moonstone Press had sent. It was quite an easy read with beautiful photos, historical programs, and at times flamboyant personalities. It was a great way to start my morning…

This was followed by rolling out my body because my body has decided to tense up like a clam before a clam bake. This was also followed by scrolling through Instagram making me miss my hot body… This was then followed by me drawing a gluttony illustration, which led to the entire set of deadly sins… Which then made me go onto the Fashion Illustration group I run on facebook and realized I have neglected the 18k members of that group, and so I answered like 50+ emails… Then my eyes started to hurt, so I decided to take a nap. What was supposed to be like an hour nap turned into a three-hour nap, making me miss my window of opportunity to take evening ballet class… So now, fat panda has to haul his butt to the gym and stretch and work out there. Normally, I would freak out about gyms, but I go to a very private gym and no one is ever there.
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On another note… So I have decided that I should actually probably start practicing how to draw… I am self-taught, so I thought I should actually start practicing and paying attention to things… Then I gave up and decided I should stick to doodling and fashion illustrations. Faces are just way too hard…
Roberto Bolle Drawing

Also, if you are following me on Instagram… This week’s theme happens to be cakes… You will be able to shop these illustrations at the end of the week when I finished the series. (SHOP NOW)
Happy Birthday copy